喬布斯（Steve Jobs）

很喜愛喬布斯（Steve Jobs）所說的自身經歷，用說故事的方法來講道理，比教訓模式來得生動吸引，對正年輕人的口味。他所說的故事標誌了人身的三個階段，當中有幾句説話特別觸動我心，首先是求學階段中的“you have to trust in something”，正是電影歲月神偷中母親（女星吳君如飾演）掛在口邊的“最緊要信”，信生命中所發生的事情總有原因，都是修成正果的過程，就像好電影的情節，環環緊扣，結局時才來個謎底大解開。 

第二個故事簡單來説，就是山窮水盡疑無路，柳暗花明又一村的寫照。沒有經過不如意，就不會成就今天的大業，沒有停下來的時間，就未必察覺身邊動人的異性。“Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith.”改變帶來的是挫折還是鍛煉，視乎個人的想法，只要對自己有信心就可以東山再起。 

最後一個故事就是鼓勵畢業生要活在當下，“Death is very likely the single best invention of Life”，因爲有期限，我們必須活得積極，不要造成浪費。要過精彩人生嗎？抱有求知若渴，求智若愚的心態是關鍵，我最同意不過了。

This is the text of the Commencement addressed by Steve Jobs, ex-CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005. （http://onemansblog.com/2010/02/01/steve-jobs-outstanding-stanford-commencement-speech-from-2005/）

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That’s it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: “We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?” They said: “Of course.” My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents’ savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn’t see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn’t interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn’t all romantic. I didn’t have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends’ rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphs. Because I had dropped out and didn’t have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can’t capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parent’s garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn’t know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down – that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple’s current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I’m pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn’t been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn’t even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor’s code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you’d have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I’m fine now.

This was the closest I’ve been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960′s, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: “Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.” It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

身強人漂泊

題目是我命盤中的其中一句，由一個學習術數的朋友送贈。（當然還有其他種種我不太明白，他都不太懂解析的5/7字真言。）箇中的真意，我曾經以為很明白，原來明白跟人生經歷掛了鉤，近來我對此有不同的理解。 

身強應該和命硬差不多，不過屬於有本事的人，如果我生於古代，可能是保鑣、賣藝或者從商之類的人物，總之就是沒有固定居所，沒有田可耕的人(怪不得特別喜愛武俠小說)。上中學以前我這隻馬騮已經搬了四次，中學時期曾經安定過，後因為父親北上追求第二春，要賣樓套現，就開始了經常搬家的歷史。 

港島由中上環到筲箕灣、柴灣，九龍就觀塘到將軍澳，新界的大圍和粉嶺都住過，可謂幅員甚廣，雖然不知緣故，九龍跟新界的地方總是不及港島的記憶來得清析，對住了六年的將軍澳沒法產生感情，時常把地方搞錯，說不定，是時候搬回港島東了。我每次搬屋前後都會「捨棄」一些身外物（身內物如肚腩都想放棄，可惜搬家減不了肥），以前覺得是「非不得已」，現在則覺得身外物會削弱思想自由，不宜過多，經常收拾都是好事，想着想着，猶記起關於一個年輕女性獨自流浪的故事。

一位舊同學的女性朋友，以畫畫為生，最愛到世界各地參觀畫廊兼旅遊，外出無數星期不歸。由於交遊廣闊，經常寄住在地球上不同角落的朋友家。舊同學在美國租住一小型單位，地方狹窄，她便睡在客廳地上，與她的小型行李箱作伴。畫家打扮需有藝術氣質，衣服不宜隨便穿朋友的，其他日常所需則和屋主共用，沒有必須效忠的品牌，使用習慣跟隨屋主變化，本着朋友都樂於選用，自己更應該樂於嘗試。有畫家作伴，同學遊藝術館就如帶了隨身字典，獲益良多，亦非常樂意再次接待這位足跡滿天下的女畫家。 

雖然沒有見過畫家，卻禁不住將同學說的情景轉化為影象，讓畫家在我的心底定居下來，提醒自己享受自由的條件之一，就是隨遇而安。我們通常是處於無奈的景況下說出「唯有隨遇而安啦！」這句話，但真正做到隨遇而安，是需要智慧和勇氣。以畫家為例，登堂入屋，就是無懼相見好同住難的定律，總是以欣賞的眼光，正面的思考，全情投入地去體會屋主的生活態度，不帶批判或者改變屋主的意圖，讓接待的朋友們都樂於與她分享生活空間，就是這些特質，成全了畫家儘覽天下畫廊的願望，還真祝福她一路平安。

除了畫家有形象，她的小型行李箱在我心中都有一個活潑的造型，她體態輕盈，健步如飛，更會把過多的物件吐出，十分有個性，要是她來到我家看見這麽多雜物，一定嘔吐得厲害，說不定死掉呢！每次這樣想，就趕忙收拾一下，把不必要的東西抛掉，為自己減磅，希望來得及過一個簡約人生。 

有一天放假，不知怎地去了鴨利洲大街吃午飯，驚覺自己對香港南區非常陌生，並被那裏的清幽簡樸吸引，忽然想輪流到香港18區居住，體驗不同地方的情懷。當我把想法跟朋友分享，他們都覺得匪夷所思，對於有老人家或者小孩的家庭而言，搬家是一件大事，想起都覺得頭疼，穿區過海更可怕，可免則免。這令我驀然發覺自己沒有孩子沒有雙親（包括老爺奶奶）而造就而成的自由。自由呀，十分可貴，應該好好利用呢！ 

親友每次獲悉我又要搬屋，都會寄以無限的同情和憐憫，以前的我會非常受落，現在以“享受自由”的心態搬家，倒是搬得樂意，一如一本我很歡喜的書所言，“Don’t call it uncertainty – call it wonder.  Don’t call it insecurity – call it freedom.” (Courage - The Joy of Living Dangerously, by OSHO) 

所以嘛，下次知道我搬屋不用擔心，問我新地方住得過唔過癮就好；轉個睇法，“身強人漂泊”都可以是件樂事。

金庸小說人物 – 令狐沖

中學時一度沉迷金庸小說，常常夜讀至深宵，最愛的是飛狐外傳，說不上什麼理由，近來電視重播笑傲江湖，忽然覺得主角很可憐，應該是金庸小說眾多男主角中遭遇最不幸的一位，重覆被最愛的人出賣/放棄。可能有人說喬峰、胡斐都很慘，我想，要是他們能放下仇恨，世界那麼大，總有屬於自己的一片天。但是令狐沖要放棄愛和信任，才可以笑傲江湖，是多麼難過的事情！ 

看小說也難以明白華山派掌門岳不群的為何變得如此壞，身為徒弟的令狐沖應該百般不解，好好一個男人竟然背棄自己的性別及所有人的愛和尊敬，為的是成為武林第一，成為武林第一不就是要被人尊敬和愛護嗎？一定是華山地方細人口少，不夠聲勢，但武力贏取的只是表面的附和，仁愛才可以得人心呀！武俠小說大多以爭奪藏寶圖或功夫秘笈為骨幹，打從明白錢是什麼開始，擁有花不完的錢確實是美夢，尤其是生活在貧苦中的人，錢可以解決很多問題，但是武功已經很好的人，卻沒有練就成為武林至尊的志氣，把精力都花在尋找別人的作品上，是太可惜了。如果覺得自己技不如人，要收納別人的智慧或者走捷徑，也不代表要放棄原本的自己！至於嚴重缺乏自信的人，根本就沒有成為武林第一的心理素質，就像越買越多投資書籍一樣，是否就成為富貴人家呢？ 

長篇卡通海賊王的主角路飛一心要成為海賊之王，根本不會考慮加入盛名已久的海賊集團，就算感情要好的哥哥邀請也一口拒絕，就是要憑自己努力邁向目標致死方休，這種不切實際的想法比武俠小說中的闖蕩江湖更浪漫，更適合成長後的我，怪不得再沒看金庸小說的念頭。

家庭治療篇-希希的故事

李維榕博士在2011年為“開心家庭網絡”攝製了“家庭治療篇-希希的故事”，是難得一見的家庭治療實況，錄影片段可以在以下網址看到：

http://www.familycouncil.gov.hk/tc_chi/edu/edu_family_therapy.htm 

片段看到的就是前文所述的“現場示範”的模式，個案在博士的文章也曾經提及，看到家庭康復過來特別高興。錄像中聽到博士說了很多遍“細路哥”，她是從來不會忘記“哥”字，就好像我們說“鼻哥”、“膝頭哥”一樣，抱有尊重的意味。當希希說出自己對父母相處的期望時，權威得好比一個專家，怎麽不叫人尊重呢！夫婦相處不融合，總是難爲了孩子，自己也是在一個“家嘈屋閉”的環境長大，此情此景特別有共鳴。 

受培訓員的專業性驅使，格外留意四個人之間的互動，其實他們的身體語言也反映了關係的轉變，我在想，如果收音失效，不能聼到他們的對話，能否從一家四口的肢體語言中看到事情的發展呢？

家庭舞蹈系列7-故事從家開始

買了李維榕博士“家庭舞蹈系列-7”的“故事從家開始”。她這個系列都是我的收藏品，不會捐贈也不會借閲，緊張得很，是我對博士遙遠的致敬。以往工作上有不如意，或者覺得無聊，就狂玩數獨來麻醉自己，不知不覺中“獨”甚深，每天非玩個夠不順心。但是博士的魅力到底非同凡響，魔力令我把數獨放下，只用2天就把書讀完。其中有數篇作品内容似曾相識，應該是現場示範的個案，當下鈎起了各種一家人互相指責的場景，過了這麽久還覺膽顫心驚。真難爲博士經常置身其中，在寫作時還得再三回想。 

書中多了大陸個案的陳述，對於一些“變形金剛”（接受治療中的家庭的孩子們）要長期服藥深感難過。因爲家庭舞蹈出了亂子，造就了各種精神病，要靠精神科藥物來維持所謂正常生活。長期服用精神科藥物對腦筋造成的傷害不用多說，真難爲了孩子。博士在治療時都要求父/母將精力轉移到對方身上，眼睛要離開子女，好讓他們有成長的空間，過獨立的生活。目光錯投的原因多是婚姻不如意，有些則是新時代的產物，外國人所說的“直升機父母”Helicopter Parents.泛指那些關心過頭的雙親，化身成在頭頂不停盤旋的直升機，不停確認孩子踏出的每一步都在掌握之中、都前路無阻、都被預備得頭頭是道方休。可怕的是機師不用放假，透不過氣的孩子唯有借精神病逃走，希望脫離現實中受監視的生活。博士說要兩代人把彼此放下是出動千軍萬馬都不一定成功，箇中難處實非外人能夠想象，我惟有祝願所有夫婦都懂得潤滑婚姻，父母都學會適時放下孩子，屆時博士就不用那麽操心了。

家庭治療證書課程

第一次看李維榕博士（http://blog.familycouncil.gov.hk/leedr/about/）的文章是在明報周刊的專欄，分享的是她擔任家庭治療師的點滴，她的文字帶來了很多啟發，讓我對家庭成員的互動有新的理解。博士對家庭治療的熱愛深深打動了我，不期然對她充滿敬仰。得悉她在港大成立了家庭研究院（HKU Family Institute，http://hkufi.hku.hk），便馬上報讀了證書課程，雖然對身為培訓師的工作沒有直接幫助，但到現在還不能捨棄，陸陸續續的參加星期六下午的現場示範，投入博士為家庭打氣的場景。 

所謂現場示範，其實是拿修讀碩士課程的學生的研究個案作即場示範，全程大約三小時，首一小時是在教室一起了解個案的背景，負責人（學生+李博士，如果是新接手個案，還會包括前度負責人）會為參加者分析個案的特質和相對應的輔導手法，參加者會加入討論，務求在跟家庭面談前集思廣益，在輔導時能發揮最大功效。接著負責人就會和已經在隔壁會客室安頓下來的家庭成員見面，由李博士主導進行大約一小時的面談，過程現場轉播到教室，面談完畢後就回到教室跟參加者解説，討論當中應用到的技巧和理論，最後是宣讀家庭成員對輔導過程的評分表格，可算是半張成績單，不論成績如何，學生們包括我，對李博士還是佩服萬分。

近來觀察的兩個個案不約而同都有一個受傷的爸爸，不認同丈夫的媽媽，承受不了太多關注／紛爭而變形的孩子們，看見不開心的孩子特別難過，他們都像變形金剛，卻無法決定變身後的模樣，更沒辦法達成保護地球（家庭）的任務，挫折得很。從中再一次感受到孩子的行為是成人的鏡子，可惜反射出來的面貌太奇怪，大人們看不出箇中扭曲的部分，還以為是孩子的真面目，以為他們都變成了討厭上學、愛生事的搗蛋精，都錯怪了他們；其實他們有些只是出盡百寶扭轉父母的敵對局面，以為將父母的摩擦轉移到自己身上就可以解決夫妻不和的困境，想法簡單而直接，貫徹Guarding Angle的身份！每次離開即場示範的課室，傷感的情緒在我回家以後仍是久久不散，但是願意一同接受治療就是對關係存有希望，我深信如博士所言，家庭有復原的能力，只要成員願意作出改變，明天一定更好。 

預備功夫做得好，才能夠把握面談的機會，引領家庭成員尋找改變的契機。但是準備歸準備，臨場的情況又豈可預料，要找緊發問和引導的時機是非常困難。博士對訊息傳達的敏感度非常高，都能把重要的字眼抓住，亦往往在緊張關頭提出改變家人固有的肢體動作，例如換位和互相身體接觸，挑戰固有模式從而帶動改變，過程中拿捏準確，揮灑自如，示範了數十年功力的修為，我們當然讚嘆不已，對於年輕的學生，要掌握空氣中各人所傳達的訊息談何容易。

 

剛才又收到課程招生的電郵，如果大家都想一睹博士的風采，可以參考：

http://edm.acafamilytherapy.org/enewsletter.php?lid=41

 

再見千禧BB (Child of Our Time)

非常喜愛由英國廣播公司BBC製作的千禧BB檔案Child of Our Time，計劃的主角是25位生於2000年的英國BB，這是一個真實的研究計劃，由Professor Robert Winston主理，追踪孩子們的成長歷程直至他/她們20歲，每年都有特定的研究主題，好像性格發展，性取向等。教授在Imperial College 任教，聲望高而且很有人氣，並建立了個人網站和慈善研究基金，專長有關生育的課題，我愛看他主持節目卻和他的學術成就無關，主要因為他長相有趣、說話生鬼低死，是個可愛老頭，1940年出生的他已經70多歲還活力充沛，那種活到老學到老的精神深深打動了我，每次看到他，都有“去學點什麼吧”的衝動。 

25位主角的父母當中，印象最深的是沒有雙手、兼雙腳異常短少的女藝術家Alison Lapper, 她選擇做單親媽媽，日常生活要克服的困難比一般人要多，她說最可惜的是沒有手抱抱BB，但仔仔所有起居照顧都由她負責，盡量不要家務助理幫手，努力的她和孩子的關係非常緊密，不過英俊的小男孩今年要上中學，個人的社交圈也越來越大，不免和媽媽疏遠起來，這個改變對Alison來說並不容易適應，可以說不願意接受，不過理性的她對孩子漸漸變得獨立還是感到欣慰。我想，她倆的關係非常穩固，只是相處的時間減少，質量應該不易變差。 

這個節目在十多個年裡頭有很多值得關注的研究，我就對性格發展特別有興趣，很想買下作為參考，可惜沒有出售版本，但是在英國國土就可以免費觀看/重溫，現在唯有看明珠台的轉播，要是到英國旅遊，必定抽空看個夠。

培訓行業獨特之處

年紀大了要更珍惜時間，交朋友相對嚴緊，過去數年還是非常幸運地結交了一些好友。當中有個同樣從事培訓工作的“行家”更好像師傅，經常主動分享工作經驗和經營心得，多得他的關照和鼓勵，辭職自己做老闆的初期間才不至太難過，不久將來更有機會成為合作夥伴，共同理想是賺錢之餘，能創造就業機會給一些“被迫”提早退休的朋友們，讓他們的工作經驗和人生智慧繼續貢獻社會，雖然很多構想都是八字還沒一撇，相信只要堅持，他日定有進展。 

培訓這個行業絕對是以人為本，顧客只要對你投入了信任，就傾向把所有有關培訓甚至人才的培養的任務付託與你，基於個人所識有限，和行家保持良好關係是成功滿足客人需要的關鍵；加上“入行”門檻很低，培訓員的素質沒有保證，有些國內的機構更聲明只會聘用有口碑的培訓師，沒有公司做推薦的已經很難單打獨鬥式的打開大陸市場，由此可見，好的“班底”對培訓公司的發展甚為重要。另一方面，行家亦等同競爭對手，越多越不利，如何在競爭對手和合作夥伴的角色之間取得平衡，我還在努力學習呢！

最想成為哪個國家男士的太太

早幾天去了西貢午餐，嘗試了一間規模很小、只有6張台的西式餐館，享受食物的時候，鄰座來了一個黃種人媽媽和她的混血兒BB, BB坐在兒童位很安樂地吃餅乾，好奇的BB不時望向我，她/他漂亮的面容每每令我幻想下嫁外國人，生個混血孩子。不是說港男不好，而是數據所得，混血兒的DNA多能承傳兩族人的優良品質，生來就更健康和聰明，更容易擁有美麗人生。 

我對膚色沒有揀擇，反而對不同國家的人有不同看法，最嚮往的是英國人，接著是德國人，之後是加拿大人，最不可能應該是美國人了，怎能接受愛槍的人，不斷花錢買槍和彈藥就是為了不去用它們嗎？很難相信抱有以暴易暴心態的人會追求和平。唉，想起死在槍管下的學生就難過，聽到槍械協會的人就感覺魔鬼就在身邊，總的來說就是可怕，連去美國旅行都不想。那為什麼英國呢？不能忘懷殖民地的氣氛嗎？想要高舉英國旗嗎？當然不是，最愛聽英國人講英文呀！對他們產生好感的還有幾年前發生地鐵爆炸恐怖襲擊，乘客們有秩序地逃離危險範圍，那種安然的姿態就是泱泱大國子民的氣度，看在眼裡很受落。另一個讓我感動並且深刻反省的是2012年倫敦奧運的開幕表現，就是非常喜歡他們拿英女皇開玩笑裡表達的幽默感，而007和Mr Bean也是值得他們驕傲的人物，就像舉辦奧運一樣，是一件值得國民驕傲的事情。身邊很多朋友覺得娛樂性比上次的北京奧運開幕禮弱得多，簡直就是沉悶，聽了很多類似的評價之後，忽然醒覺英國的表演是做給英國人看，北京的表現是做給世界看，所謂的中國特色就是不到肉的華麗，英國就在展示國有傳統，充滿“我就是這樣”的自豪感，值得尊敬。 

題外話，再讓英國人統治好嗎？唔，我有自理的能力，前路在我手，不用遠方人操心。

權力的鬥爭

看了一套關於爭奪皇位的美國宮廷片Game of Thrones by HBO，除了慣常的權力鬥爭和打鬥場面，更有魔法和喪屍，有人在International Movie Database把劇集列為人生必看的35套電視劇之首，評價之高可見一斑，包括了所有賣座元素的大型電視劇製作把我的心牢牢扣穩，極速完成了第二季共10集，果然是萬眾期待的貨色。

 

雖然人物關係複雜，角色眾多名字特長，還是記得有條不紊，絕對是腦袋選擇性記憶的結果。除了劇情記得穩，對一些影像凌厲的畫面都記憶深刻，當中包括了漂亮的森林、堡壘和大雪山，真是湖光山色、春夏秋冬的變化，都迅間在電視裡出現，我想，如此逼真的特技，已經沒有分真假的必要。至於對白方面，都寫得精彩，其中一個關於權力的問題很值得深思。話說在古代的一個村落，村裡的三大巨頭開會，他們分別是族長、長老和最富有的族人，他們都覺得自己和對家二人勢均力敵，而且已經勢成水火，開會前分別賄賂了四周的守衛，並買通劍客要殺死其餘二人，試問在這個情況下，誰人最有權力呢？你可能會說是拿劍的人，因為他操控了生殺大權，換轉你是那個劍客，你會殺誰呢？如果是良禽擇木而棲的心理，劍客會留下最有權力的人來依附，所以權力其實好像神鬼之說般存在人的信念裡，族長也不一定有勝算。 

劇中的首相是個忠於皇帝的朋友，身邊的大臣和皇后卻各懷鬼胎，皇帝死後不久首相便被處死，女兒目睹父慘親遭處決後落荒而逃，並必須隱藏身份扮作平民，每當有人問起父親的死因，她還是忍不住說死於忠心。我問身邊的朋友劍客應該殺誰，他/她們有著不同的答案，各有各的理由，那些選擇保護族長的朋友應該是最忠心的，真要對他們更好一些。

變身大熊貓

有些心理測驗和動物有關，例如讓你變為一種動物，你想要變哪一種；有的問如果讓你帶一隻動物到荒島，帶的是什麼等等，根據分析，動物的特質是個人/對伴侶心理需要的投射，如果很需要自由，會選擇曉飛的動物，需要權利地位就多選威猛的動物，需要忠心的朋友多愛狗等等，解說都合情合理，挺有趣的。

年輕的我想成為海豚，原因有二，一是覺得他們很可愛又聰明，常常跟朋友一起玩，永遠很開心高興的樣子，心裡很羨慕這種無憂無慮的生活方式；二是自己不懂游泳，如果有海豚在水中的本事就厲害了，由是每次看見海豚都會想像一下代入他們的身體會怎麼樣，是發白日夢的好題材。想變成海豚這個想法直至幾年前才發生變化，自從在新聞裡見到她/他和領導人/名人的交往後，就忍不住想變身他們的一分子，他們是誰，中國特產大熊貓！！

四川臥龍的熊貓以下犯上打領導或名人頭臉屢見不鮮，被廣泛報導，身穿藍色消毒衣物的人類不但不會還手，更稱讚熊貓活潑非常，世界上實在找不到其他動物有這種特權。話說“人離鄉賤，物離鄉貴”，熊貓的待遇應該歸入“物”類，就是得到超佳的款待，被送/租借到海外的熊貓是動物園的上賓，日本東京的Ueno Zoo是以年租一百萬美金向中國租了一對大熊貓，能否歸本就不得而知，新聞播映出動物園熊貓區人頭湧湧的畫面，倒真熱鬧。所以嘛，身為熊貓，無論身處中國或者海外，都萬般寵愛在一身，百無禁忌過日神，自從有了變為熊貓的想法，就更多發白日夢的題材，究竟打誰最過癮呢？嘻嘻。

借勇氣和耐性

Nick Vujicic 來港演講和訪問都會被傳媒報導，澳洲出生成長的Nick天生沒有手腳，活動受很大限制，看到他就不期然想起Dr Stephen Hawking，只是他的情況更差，如果說坐監失去自由很可怕，像Dr Hawking腦筋這麼厲害的人，靈魂困在一個不停衰退的肉體就更糟，每次看到Dr Kawking的影像心裡都很佩服，比較起來，已經結婚生子的Nick可要幸福得多，幸與不幸，從來都是相對的。 

慶幸有機會分別跟視障和聾人導師合作主持工作坊，主辦機構為香港很有名氣的社會企業“黑暗中對話”Dialogue in the Dark，那次在大陸酒店舉辦的工作坊因為只得我一個聯絡人，和視障導師的接觸特別緊密，加上沒有離開酒店的閒情，連續五天日對夜對的，更深徹體會到他們日常生活的不便；好像我對大陸人的信任程度不高，他們也分享了一些在大陸發生的可怕經歷，可是他們只能提高警覺和拋開不愉快的記憶，繼續遊走各地，那需要高情緒智商和很大的勇氣，看著看著他們，我彷彿都獲得一些多得溢出來的勇氣。 

和聾人導師合作後，驚覺肢體語言的多樣化，也非常漂亮，他們不停接收訊息卻無法精準的表達出來，因為手語的變化有限，具體的東西好像菜和水果，都停留在類型的描述上，就是說他們告訴你喜愛吃菜，卻沒有辦法說明是通菜或者韭菜，要傳達細膩的訊息，就要寫出來，要是對食物挑剔的我無法具體說出要求，必定很難受，而且經常要用文字表達也很花功夫，想著想著，就想問他們借忍耐，一個他們用之不盡的素質。 

幸與不幸，從來都是相對的，希望身邊的朋友都懂得珍惜所擁有，要是發覺勇氣和耐性不夠用，不妨向上述的朋友借，應該比向神靈借庫更“見洗”。

今日食蘿蔔未？

兩年前認識了一本書叫 “Whale Done”，是著名管理學人“Ken Blanchard”的 出品，內容圍繞訓練殺人鯨的方法。作者觀察訓練員透過不同的技巧訓練殺人鯨而獲得靈感，引申一套管哲學，就是良好關係的重要性。殺人鯨擁有令人類害怕的殺傷力，訓練員既不可以得罪牠，也沒有辦法和牠們透過言語溝通，比起一般同事之間的相處，客觀環境已經要困難得多，如果訓練狗隻，還可以用體罰，體罰殺人鯨嗎？細路哥都知道不行，可想而知，要他們合作，只能賞、無從罰。 

要賞不要罰正是我的培訓信念，和我用蘿蔔做公司招牌的道理不謀而合，蘿蔔的構思是借用了傳統管理學說中的“蘿蔔和棒”概念，就如圖中示範，總是讓驢有向前的動力，如果動力不夠，就用棒打的方法偶爾加強力度，就這樣把小驢的表現控制著。我的信念是只要蘿蔔對胃口，根本不用棒，小驢都會動力十足。舉個例子，蘿蔔於我在工作上是委託/授權/信任/發揮空間/自由度等等，老闆只要提供以上的條件，我就乖乖的努力達成任務；相反，如果把我規範在狹小空間，連工作步驟都要我逐一跟隨，我就會失去興趣，步伐變慢，此時若然用責罵的手法，非但起不了鼓勵作用，反而令我生厭，造成雙輸局面，那又可苦呢！ 

或許有些上司會反駁，公司不一定容許自由度，很多機構也有無數的規矩要遵守，作為下屬的也要諒解。這個說法是把重點放錯了位，尊重別人的意願是態度，就好像“同理心”一樣，是以正面的態度了解對方的想法、需要，然後尋找共鳴再發展共容空間，運用同理心不是對客“什麼都應承”，不等於對下屬“遷就”，也就是說，蘿蔔不盡是具體的東西，精神支持也很重要，所以對胃口的蘿蔔可以無形無相，有時又分量十足，十分考上司的管理能力。 

當我介紹愛思卡片設計的時候，因為時間不多，都說蘿蔔是欣賞/讚美人的說話，不但要常常請人吃蘿蔔，也不要忘記餵自己食靚蘿蔔，你今日食左未？