2014年9月2日 星期二

喬布斯(Steve Jobs)

很喜愛喬布斯(Steve Jobs)所說的自身經歷,用說故事的方法來講道理,比教訓模式來得生動吸引,對正年輕人的口味。他所說的故事標誌了人身的三個階段,當中有幾句説話特別觸動我心,首先是求學階段中的“you have to trust in something”,正是電影歲月神偷中母親(女星吳君如飾演)掛在口邊的“最緊要信”,信生命中所發生的事情總有原因,都是修成正果的過程,就像好電影的情節,環環緊扣,結局時才來個謎底大解開。 

第二個故事簡單來説,就是山窮水盡疑無路,柳暗花明又一村的寫照。沒有經過不如意,就不會成就今天的大業,沒有停下來的時間,就未必察覺身邊動人的異性。Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith.”改變帶來的是挫折還是鍛煉,視乎個人的想法,只要對自己有信心就可以東山再起。 

最後一個故事就是鼓勵畢業生要活在當下,Death is very likely the single best invention of Life”,因爲有期限,我們必須活得積極,不要造成浪費。要過精彩人生嗎?抱有求知若渴,求智若愚的心態是關鍵,我最同意不過了。

This is the text of the Commencement addressed by Steve Jobs, ex-CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005. http://onemansblog.com/2010/02/01/steve-jobs-outstanding-stanford-commencement-speech-from-2005/

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That’s it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: “We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?” They said: “Of course.” My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents’ savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn’t see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn’t interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn’t all romantic. I didn’t have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends’ rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphs. Because I had dropped out and didn’t have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can’t capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn’t know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down – that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple’s current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I’m pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn’t been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn’t even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor’s code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you’d have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I’m fine now.

This was the closest I’ve been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960′s, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: “Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.” It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.
Thank you all very much.

2014年8月22日 星期五

身強人漂泊

題目是我命盤中的其中一句,由一個學習術數的朋友送贈。(當然還有其他種種我不太明白,他都不太懂解析的5/7字真言。)箇中的真意,我曾經以為很明白,原來明白跟人生經歷掛了鉤,近來我對此有不同的理解。 

身強應該命硬差不多,不過屬於有本事的人,如果我生於古代,可能是保鑣、賣藝或者從商之類的人物,總之就是沒有固定居所,沒有田可耕的人(怪不得特別喜愛武俠小說)。上中學以前我這隻馬騮已經搬了四次,中學時期曾經安定過,後因為父親北上追求第二春,要樓套現,就開始了經常搬家的歷史。 

港島由中上環到筲箕灣、柴灣,九龍就觀塘到將軍澳,新界的大圍和粉嶺都住過,可謂幅員甚廣,雖然不知緣故,九龍跟新界的地方總是不及港島的記憶來得清析,對住了年的將軍澳沒法產生感情,時常把地方搞錯,說不定,是時候搬回港島東了。我每次搬屋前後都會「捨棄」一些身外物(身內物如肚腩都想放棄,可惜搬家減不了肥),以前覺得是「非不得已」,現在則覺得身外物會削弱思想自由,不宜過多,經常收拾都是好事,想着想着,猶記起關於一個年輕女性獨自流浪的故事。

一位舊同學的女性朋友,以畫畫為生,最愛到世界各地參觀畫廊兼旅遊,外出無數星期不歸。由於交遊廣闊,經常寄住在地球上不同角落的朋友家。同學在美國租住一小型單位,地方狹窄,她便睡在客廳地上,與她的小型行李箱作伴。畫家打扮需有藝術氣質,衣服不宜隨便穿朋友的,其他日常所需則和屋主共用,沒有必須效忠的品牌,使用習慣跟隨屋主變化,本着朋友都樂於選用,自己更應該樂於嘗試。有畫家作伴,同學遊藝術館就如帶了隨身字典,獲益良多,亦非常樂意再次接待這位足跡滿天下的女畫家。 

雖然沒有見過畫家,卻禁不住將同學說的情景轉化為影象,讓畫家在我的心底定居下來,提醒自己享受自由的條件之一,就是隨遇而安。我們通常是處於無奈的景況下說出「唯有隨遇而安啦!」這句話,但真正做到隨遇而安,是需要智慧和勇氣。以畫家為例,登堂入屋,就是無懼相見好同住難的定律,總是以欣賞的眼光,正面的思考,全情投入地去體會屋主的生活態度,不帶批判或者改變屋主的意圖,讓接待的朋友們都樂於與她分享生活空間,就是這些特質,成全了畫家儘覽天下畫廊的願望,還真祝福她一路平安。

除了畫家有形象,她的小型行李箱在我心中都有一個活潑的造型,她體態輕盈,健步如飛,更會把過多的物件吐出,十分有個性,要是她來到我家看見這麽多雜物,一定嘔吐得厲害,說不定死掉呢!每次這樣想,就趕忙收拾一下,把不必要的東西抛掉,為自己減磅,希望來得及過一個簡約人生。 

有一天放假,不知怎地去了鴨利洲大街吃午飯,驚覺自己對香港南區非常陌生,並被那裏的清幽簡樸吸引,忽然想輪流到香港18區居住,體驗不同地方的情懷。當我把想法跟朋友分享,他們都覺得匪夷所思,對於有老人家或者小孩的家庭而言,搬家是一件大事,想起都覺得頭疼,穿區過海更可怕,可免則免。這令我驀然發覺自己沒有孩子沒有雙親(包括老爺奶奶)而造就而成的自由。自由呀,十分可貴,應該好好利用呢! 

親友每次獲悉我又要搬屋,都會寄以無限的同情和憐憫,以前的我會非常受落,現在以“享受自由的心態搬家,倒是搬得樂意,一如一本我很歡喜的書所言,Don’t call it uncertainty – call it wonder.  Don’t call it insecurity – call it freedom. (Courage - The Joy of Living Dangerously, by OSHO) 

所以嘛,下次知道我搬屋不用擔心,問我新地方住得過唔過癮就好;轉個睇法,“身強人漂泊”都可以是件樂事。

2014年6月23日 星期一

金庸小說人物 – 令狐沖

中學時一度沉迷金庸小說,常常夜讀至深宵,最愛的是飛狐外傳,說不上什麼理由,近來電視重播笑傲江湖,忽然覺得主角很可憐,應該是金庸小說眾多男主角中遭遇最不幸的一位,重覆被最愛的人出賣/放棄。可能有人說喬峰、胡斐都很慘,我想,要是他們能放下仇恨,世界那麼大,總有屬於自己的一片天。但是令狐沖要放棄愛和信任,才可以笑傲江湖,是多麼難過的事情! 

看小說也難以明白華山派掌門岳不群的為何變得如此壞,身為徒弟的令狐沖應該百般不解,好好一個男人竟然背棄自己的性別及所有人的愛和尊敬,為的是成為武林第一,成為武林第一不就是要被人尊敬和愛護嗎?一定是華山地方細人口少,不夠聲勢,但武力贏取的只是表面的附和,仁愛才可以得人心呀!武俠小說大多以爭奪藏寶圖或功夫秘笈為骨幹,打從明白錢是什麼開始,擁有花不完的錢確實是美夢,尤其是生活在貧苦中的人,錢可以解決很多問題,但是武功已經很好的人,卻沒有練就成為武林至尊的志氣,把精力都花在尋找別人的作品上,是太可惜了。如果覺得自己技不如人,要收納別人的智慧或者走捷徑,也不代表要放棄原本的自己!至於嚴重缺乏自信的人,根本就沒有成為武林第一的心理素質,就像越買越多投資書籍一樣,是否就成為富貴人家呢? 

長篇卡通海賊王的主角路飛一心要成為海賊之王,根本不會考慮加入盛名已久的海賊集團,就算感情要好的哥哥邀請也一口拒絕,就是要憑自己努力邁向目標致死方休,這種不切實際的想法比武俠小說中的闖蕩江湖更浪漫,更適合成長後的我,怪不得再沒看金庸小說的念頭。

2014年6月17日 星期二

家庭治療篇-希希的故事

李維榕博士在2011年為“開心家庭網絡”攝製了“家庭治療篇-希希的故事”,是難得一見的家庭治療實況,錄影片段可以在以下網址看到:

片段看到的就是前文所述的“現場示範”的模式,個案在博士的文章也曾經提及,看到家庭康復過來特別高興。錄像中聽到博士說了很多遍“細路哥”,她是從來不會忘記“哥”字,就好像我們說“鼻哥”、“膝頭哥”一樣,抱有尊重的意味。當希希說出自己對父母相處的期望時,權威得好比一個專家,怎麽不叫人尊重呢!夫婦相處不融合,總是難爲了孩子,自己也是在一個“家嘈屋閉”的環境長大,此情此景特別有共鳴。 

受培訓員的專業性驅使,格外留意四個人之間的互動,其實他們的身體語言也反映了關係的轉變,我在想,如果收音失效,不能聼到他們的對話,能否從一家四口的肢體語言中看到事情的發展呢?

2014年6月9日 星期一

家庭舞蹈系列7-故事從家開始

買了李維榕博士“家庭舞蹈系列-7”的“故事從家開始”。她這個系列都是我的收藏品,不會捐贈也不會借閲,緊張得很,是我對博士遙遠的致敬。以往工作上有不如意,或者覺得無聊,就狂玩數獨來麻醉自己,不知不覺中“獨”甚深,每天非玩個夠不順心。但是博士的魅力到底非同凡響,魔力令我把數獨放下,只用2天就把書讀完。其中有數篇作品内容似曾相識,應該是現場示範的個案,當下鈎起了各種一家人互相指責的場景,過了這麽久還覺膽顫心驚。真難爲博士經常置身其中,在寫作時還得再三回想。 

書中多了大陸個案的陳述,對於一些“變形金剛”(接受治療中的家庭的孩子們)要長期服藥深感難過。因爲家庭舞蹈出了亂子,造就了各種精神病,要靠精神科藥物來維持所謂正常生活。長期服用精神科藥物對腦筋造成的傷害不用多說,真難爲了孩子。博士在治療時都要求父/母將精力轉移到對方身上,眼睛要離開子女,好讓他們有成長的空間,過獨立的生活。目光錯投的原因多是婚姻不如意,有些則是新時代的產物,外國人所說的“直升機父母”Helicopter Parents.泛指那些關心過頭的雙親,化身成在頭頂不停盤旋的直升機,不停確認孩子踏出的每一步都在掌握之中、都前路無阻、都被預備得頭頭是道方休。可怕的是機師不用放假,透不過氣的孩子唯有借精神病逃走,希望脫離現實中受監視的生活。博士說要兩代人把彼此放下是出動千軍萬馬都不一定成功,箇中難處實非外人能夠想象,我惟有祝願所有夫婦都懂得潤滑婚姻,父母都學會適時放下孩子,屆時博士就不用那麽操心了。

2014年5月28日 星期三

家庭治療證書課程

第一次看李維榕博士http://blog.familycouncil.gov.hk/leedr/about/的文章是在明報周刊的專欄,分享的是她擔任家庭治療師的點滴,她的文字帶來了很多啟發,讓我對家庭成員的互動有新的理解。博士對家庭治療的熱愛深深打動了我,不期然對她充滿敬仰。得悉她在港大成立了家庭研究院(HKU Family Institutehttp://hkufi.hku.hk),便馬上報讀了證書課程,雖然對身為培訓師的工作沒有直接幫助,但到現在還不能捨棄,陸陸續續的參加星期六下午的現場示範,投入博士為家庭打氣的場景。 

所謂現場示範,其實是拿修讀碩士課程的學生的研究個案作即場示範,全程大約三小時,首一小時是在教室一起了解個案的背景,負責人(學生+李博士,如果是新接手個案,還會包括前度負責人)會為參加者分析個案的特質和相對應的輔導手法,參加者會加入討論,務求在跟家庭面談前集思廣益,在輔導時能發揮最大功效。接著負責人就會和已經在隔壁會客室安頓下來的家庭成員見面,由李博士主導進行大約一小時的面談,過程現場轉播到教室,面談完畢後就回到教室跟參加者解説,討論當中應用到的技巧和理論,最後是宣讀家庭成員對輔導過程的評分表格,可算是半張成績單,不論成績如何,學生們包括我,對李博士還是佩服萬分。

近來觀察的兩個個案不約而同都有一個受傷的爸爸,不認同丈夫的媽媽,承受不了太多關注/紛爭而變形的孩子們,看見不開心的孩子特別難過,他們都像變形金剛,卻無法決定變身後的模樣,更沒辦法達成保護地球(家庭)的任務,挫折得很。從中再一次感受到孩子的行為是成人的鏡子,可惜反射出來的面貌太奇怪,大人們看不出箇中扭曲的部分,還以為是孩子的真面目,以為他們都變成了討厭上學、愛生事的搗蛋精,都錯怪了他們;其實他們有些只是出盡百寶扭轉父母的敵對局面,以為將父母的摩擦轉移到自己身上就可以解決夫妻不和的困境,想法簡單而直接,貫徹Guarding Angle的身份!每次離開即場示範的課室,傷感的情緒在我回家以後仍是久久不散,但是願意一同接受治療就是對關係存有希望,我深信如博士所言,家庭有復原的能力,只要成員願意作出改變,明天一定更好。 

預備功夫做得好,才能夠把握面談的機會,引領家庭成員尋找改變的契機。但是準備歸準備,臨場的情況又豈可預料,要找緊發問和引導的時機是非常困難。博士對訊息傳達的敏感度非常高,都能把重要的字眼抓住,亦往往在緊張關頭提出改變家人固有的肢體動作,例如換位和互相身體接觸,挑戰固有模式從而帶動改變,過程中拿捏準確,揮灑自如,示範了數十年功力的修為,我們當然讚嘆不已,對於年輕的學生,要掌握空氣中各人所傳達的訊息談何容易。
 
剛才又收到課程招生的電郵,如果大家都想一睹博士的風采,可以參考:
 

2014年3月25日 星期二

再見千禧BB (Child of Our Time)

非常喜愛由英國廣播公司BBC製作的千禧BB檔案Child of Our Time計劃的主角是25位生於2000年的英國BB,這是一個真實的研究計劃,由Professor Robert Winston主理,追踪孩子們的成長歷程直至他/她們20歲,每年都有特定的研究主題,好像性格發展,性取向等。教授在Imperial College 任教,聲望高而且很有人氣,並建立了個人網站和慈善研究基金,專長有關生育的課題,我愛看他主持節目卻和他的學術成就無關,主要因為他長相有趣、說話生鬼低死,是個可愛老頭,1940年出生的他已經70多歲還活力充沛,那種活到老學到老的精神深深打動了我,每次看到他,都有“去學點什麼吧”的衝動。 

25位主角的父母當中,印象最深的是沒有雙手、兼雙腳異常短少的女藝術家Alison Lapper, 她選擇做單親媽媽,日常生活要克服的困難比一般人要多,她說最可惜的是沒有手抱抱BB,但仔仔所有起居照顧都由她負責,盡量不要家務助理幫手,努力的她和孩子的關係非常緊密,不過英俊的小男孩今年要上中學,個人的社交圈也越來越大,不免和媽媽疏遠起來,這個改變對Alison來說並不容易適應,可以說不願意接受,不過理性的她對孩子漸漸變得獨立還是感到欣慰。我想,她倆的關係非常穩固,只是相處的時間減少,質量應該不易變差。 

這個節目在十多個年裡頭有很多值得關注的研究,我就對性格發展特別有興趣,很想買下作為參考,可惜沒有出售版本,但是在英國國土就可以免費觀看/重溫,現在唯有看明珠台的轉播,要是到英國旅遊,必定抽空看個夠。